Money Essay Spm Speech

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This is an interesting topic, and you have written clearly in your own voice, for which I commend you.  You asked for criticism and advice, so here are a few things to consider:

Thesis (purpose statement) - Should always be one sentence. I assume it's your second sentence (which I have corrected grammatically). 

To have money, to have lots of it, is not wrong and it never will be; but money is a tool both for good and for bad (evil?).  (Or perhaps positive and negative?)

It does seem as if the next idea, that how we use it is what matters, should also be incorporated into the thesis.

Body points - These should match your thesis statement (think of them as the proof for your key points).  So I'm expecting to hear that having money is better than not having money (which you do address), that money can be used in both positive and negative ways (which I saw a little of in your tags, which I had to condense).  I know you had to condense for this forum, so you may have done these things; however, what I see does not really say enough to make a convincing argument.  Paragraph two is riddled with generalizations, such as the fact that collection calls happen in the middle of the night threatening to sue you (which, though they are intrusive, does not really happen). It also has little in the way of evidence (research, statistics, data, experience, illustrations) to support your claim.  To be effective and convincing, you should rely on information and evidence which will help you present a compelling case.  Anyone famous have money then become poor?  Any good examples of people who have used their money for awful and destructive things (like Lindsay Lohan who is nearly broke, apparently, because of her expensive addictions)?  For doing wonderful and impactful things (like Bill and Melinda Gates who are fighting AIDS in Africa)?  Use these kinds of examples to strengthen your argument that both positive and negative can be accomplished with money.

Conclusion - I love where you're heading with this, and your last quote is powerful.  (In fact, I'd use it as a title and might even open with it--might be even more powerful as an attention-getter than a closing statement.  Either place is fine, though.)  Once again, there is little in this paragraph that packs much of a punch outside of that quote.  Need to summarize/review your key points and work your way to that conclusion.  Your reasoning regarding happiness is sound, but it's a little confusing as stated.  (Read it aloud and I think you'll hear it.) 

I saw a reference to the biblical statement that money is the root (I think you wrote "route") of all evil; but what it says is it's the love of money is the root of all evil.  I might consider that verse for intro or conclusion, as well. 

In short, you have a really good concept and a couple of really sound quotes with which to anchor it.  As a sophomore in college, your professor is no doubt expecting you to use more specifics and more evidence to support your position.  This is a subject which should be easy to corroborate with all kinds of interesting and convincing examples and illustrations.  Best of luck!

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